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e-mail me at jillyou@verizon.net if you want to get on board!!!

Craigslist Crimes

This HAS NOT happened to me. BUT it has happened in our city, and was written about in our local paper, and is therefore, blogworthy to me!

Have you ever shopped on Craigslist? I have. I bought a pilates machine on it. I also sold a pilates machine on it. (That is for the after New Year's topic of 'New Year's Resolutions and how quickly we break them'). Anyway, apparently, some scoundrels are posting a listing for Iphones at a good price. When the unsuspecting patsy, er I mean customer, shows up with cash in hand, the seller (criminal) whips out his GUN and demands the cash, and whatever other valuables the naive bargain hunter has on him/her. (note: consumer does not receive Iphone in this transaction)

Well, here is what I think about this. First of all, if you are shopping around on Craigslist, looking for a bargain, keep this in mind: IF IT SEEMS TO GOOD TO BE TRUE (i.e. price is wayyyy fabulous) MAYBE IT IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. Second, don't go with your cash to the worst section of town, to an unlit parking lot to make your exchange. Honestly, sometimes I think people who have been robbed are almost asking to be robbed. USE SOME COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!!!! and Lastly, if you are going to sell your fake coaches on Craigslist, quit trying to pass them off as authentic. Ms. Chic Chauffeur will totally flag your listing!

BE CAREFUL EVERYONE. As the economy gets worse, I think the criminal element gets more and more desperate!

New Topic!!!

I just thought of a topic. As you know the economy is a mess, and crime rates are skyrocketing.

I think someone tried to pickpocket me at the mall yesterday.

My sister's cars got robbed in her driveway and her friend just got her cell phone and jacket ripped off at Target.

Do you have any stories?

Purse Envy

Look at my great find....try not to turn green:) Gotta love Loehman's!

Confessions of a purseaholic, take 2

I cannot resist posting this beauty, and then I will not hijack your cool site again, Jill, to discuss my weakness. But look at this beauty:





It is coming soon to a Target near you! Hayden Harnett is one of the new Go International designers. Their purses are yummy. And the ones at Target are priced at 49.99 and under! A person who loves purses could satisfy the urge without breaking the bank!





Sorry ladies, but my husband was just not interested, so I thought I would share this monumental news with my bloggy friends!

Anyone looking for a shopper?

My name is NJDecorator and I am a shopper. I mean, I love to shop. My perfect job would be someones personal shopper (with unlimited budget) so I could indulge my shopping needs.

However, right now I am between jobs and cannot shop like I would normally. I have to reign it in. But I always tempted. So I now cyber window shop. I fill up my shopping cart with all kinds of wonderful things and them I click away from the site before ordering. It works pretty well, but not fully.

I also run my Synagogue's Judaica Shop. That helps with the buying urges. I can order all kinds of things and know that the money is not coming out my pocket. I like buying things for other people.

I really should be a personal shopper - anyone looking for that?

Stop Me Before I Shop Again

I am about thisclose to being a true compulsive shopper. If it weren't for the tiny scrap of self-control I manage to retain, I would be that woman on Oprah who has boxes of mail-order crap she hasn't even opened. I LOOOOOOVE me some shopping. Nothing really makes me quite as happy as buying stuff. Which I get is really shallow and pathetic. I just look at it as my little part in "stimulating the economy."

I am that target consumer that marketing groups fantasize about when they do things like set up displays by the cash register. I scan them while I'm waiting my turn to pay for my stuff and think, "Why, yes, I DO need a teeny little flashlight that clips on my car visor! How thoughtful of them to put it up here where I'd see it! And I'd certainly better snag that package of Q-Tips while I'm at it." Pathetic. And yet oddly satisfying.

My real indulgences, when I have some fun money to throw around, are definitely clothes and makeup. I'm pretty much incapable of going into a department store and coming out with some little tidbit: a great pair of trouser jeans, a new brand of mascara, or a darling little sweater for one of my daughters.

Lately, though - lately, not so much. Suddenly, we're feeling the effects of the unstable economy. Business has fallen off at my husband's law firm, and that means unpredictable salaries. Last month we missed a whole week of pay, and it hurt a hell of a lot more than I ever would have guessed. I'm reining in my indulgences and trying to plan (totally unnatural for me) my shopping trips. I'm making lists for Christmas shopping and actually sticking to them. Yeah, it's taking some of the fun out of it, but I'm trying to embrace the satisfaction of making the money go farther. It's a learning curve for me, but I'll get there.

Let's make small talk...

Get yourself a nice cup of coffee and let's hang out...

Tell me, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?

My family is going to make the 4 hour (God willing) trip down the NJ Turnpike to my little sister's house in Highland, MD.

We will be joined by middle sister and her family. All together there will be 6 adults, 8 children and 3 dogs. I'm sure a good time will be had by all and we'll all be absolutely spent on Sunday.

My Mom and Dad are spending a mellow holiday in Florida, sans grandchildren where they will spend their time playing golf and having quiet adult conversation.

I'm psyched to see my sister's but I'm torn over whether I'd rather drive 4-6 hours (depending on traffic) or do all the cooking myself. That's a toughie.

I've said enough. Now it's your turn....

Hello, My name is the Chic Chauffeur, and I am a purse-aholic

If there were a self help group for women who have too many handbags, I would have to join. Actually, my dear hubs would probably stage an intervention, and force me to join.

Here's how things go... I will be shopping for something reasonable, and just make a pass through the handbag department at Nordstrom. And (please start humming the theme from Love Story here) THERE IT IS. A black handbag I have not seen before! I think to myself, sane still for a moment.. "why would I buy that purse? I have a perfectly fabulous black (insert name here...Kate Spade, Coach, Lamb, Betsy Johnson, Marc Jacobs....really, I could go on) purse at home." But it beguiles me. Perhaps a cell phone pocket that is different than the one in my stable. Whatever it is, it's got what it takes to knock the current black favorite out of rotation... Home it comes!

I must have been purse-challenged in my youth, and am going overboard now as an adult, to make up for whatever I think I missed out on in my teens.

And parting with one of my beloved bags. Ain't no way! I have tried to sell them on ebay, and actually cancelled an auction because I just couldn't go through with it. It felt as though I were auctioning off one of the kids (well, sort of.....)

So anyway, this post might brand me as shallow. To even things out: yes, we have 4 kids and a dog, and I love all of them (and the purse-anon hubs) way way way more than any material possession. But if and when I get a little pocket change, I always seem to stumble upon the MOST INCREDIBLE BAG in the world. And then, woops, there goes my willpower.



PS: Have you seen the darling Quilted Patent Leather Quincy bag at JCrew. The navy one is ON SALE!!! Sadly, I do NOT have any spare change at this time... But that purse is sweet!

Cha Ching!

My poor little Collage Project. So neglected!

Hopefully we can get this thing up and running again.

If you read my other blog, Caffeine Court you have probably read that I purchased a Pug puppy for my daughters last week. Puppies are expensive little creatures. First there's the cost of buying one. (Yes, I went to a pet store, just to LOOK and I got weak.) Then there's the shots, food, grooming, boarding. You know the drill. The fact that we already have 2 dogs and a cat means we spend ALOT on our pets.

I started thinking about all the other things I could have bought with the money I spend on my animals. My daughter needs a new bedroom set. I need window treatments all over the house. My car is 5 years old. I would love some cool new clothes.

But I chose the dogs. They make us very, very happy.

How about you? What do you like to spend your extra cash on? Is it a great pair of boots? Are you a gal who loves to spruce up your house? Or do you like to take a couple of fancy vacations a year?

Let's talk "fun money."

Snap, Crackle, Pop...and I'm not talking about cereal

I am an unapologetic knuckle-cracker. It started innocently back in my piano playing days, but has evolved into a fairly obsessive personal habit. I can't stand the slight stiffness in my fingers when they need to be popped, and frankly, I think the sound is really cool and quite satisfying.

I list it under "personal talent" as well as "things I do that repulse others." I can crack (from the top-down, follow me here): my jaw, neck, elbows, wrists, fingers, back, knees, ankles, and every individual toe. So there's always that Sideshow Freak thing to fall back on if the economy continues tanking... plus it entertains the hell out of seven-year-old boys, as I found out the other day while watching my friend's son.

However, since about everyone I know (husband, BF, mother...the list goes on) is driven batshit crazy by the sound, I do try to keep it under wraps when others are around. Try being the operative word there. I limit myself to fingers and the occasional toe in public. I can see where it would be a little weird to start popping kneecaps and wrists at a cocktail soiree, but what's the odd finger joint crackle between friends?

Widget

My Nasty Habit

Oh gosh, I have a few...the most nasty to me is that I bite my nails and my cuticles when I'm stressed or bored. I used to get the nails done, primarily because it kept me from doing that, but when my mom got sick, even that didn't stop me. I got so tired of paying for a new set every couple of weeks, I just stopped. My nails and cuticles are in lousy shape and I've tried to give myself manicures, rub solar oil into my cuticles, but nothing works. I really need to do something, but just haven't gotten around to doint it.

The Bad Personal Habits Of The O'Kara Family.

(My family will kill me if they ever read this...)

My husband is like most guys...not as discreet about some body functions. He will burp, fart, and scratch at just about any time or place. He has promised to work on changing these behaviors and while he has shown great success, there are still times when I look for the nearest escape route.

My five year old just learned that she can do things to embarrass her parents, most especially me. Besides her love of doing the same three bad habits of her father's, she also love to dig for "nose goblins". Completely grosses me out every time I see it. I have learned that she does it even more when I ask her to stop...so I try to turn a blind eye to this behavior.

My soon-to-be one year old is just learning her bad habits. Right now, the biggest one is for her to throw herself down on the floor, kick her feet, throw her arms around, and scream hysterically if she doesn't get her way...a classic hissy-fit.

And now for me...well, I am a recovering blemish picker...but have been working really hard to over come that addiction. My secret weapon is a trusty tube of triple antibiotic ointment. Other than that nasty habit, I also unknowingly scratch my scalp...almost like I have fleas...isn't that lovely. It must be a family habit because both of my sisters also do the same thing. Wonder if this is a subconscious thing due to our huge fear of spiders and constantly feeling like they are crawling on us?

Pores and Pimples

I am a recovering pore pusher/zit popper. It's inherited. My dad is worse than I am. I know it's gross. I can't stand to see someone else popping a zit. And I would never pop someone elses. But I can't leave my own blemishes alone!

Ever since I discovered my first pimple, I obsessed over every flaw and blemish. If it looked "ready" to pop, I'd push, squeeze, and press over and over until I made some sort of progress. Many times I'd do it before the blemish was "ready enough", thus making a bad situation much worse. They'd swell and turn ghastly shades of red and purple. I probably would have half the acne I have if I would just have a hands off policy.

I try to just not inspect my pores anymore. If I see a clogged pore I just want to mess with it. Then I end up creating a pimple where none probably ever would've been.

I have learned that when it is a "deep" zit, to just LEAVE IT ALONE!! I once poked and prodded an especially deeply embedded one where my cheek meets my nose and it swelled up so much that my eye was half shut. I looked like Quasimodo for about 4 days. It was horrible.

Maybe one of these days I will be acne free and this habit will be history. Then I can worry about my occasional nail biting.

Let's try another subject!!

Do you have any nasty personal habits?  I am a hair puller.  When I'm stressed or bored I sit and twirl and pull the same piece of hair above my left ear over, and over and over.  It drives people NUTS and makes that one piece of hair look like a dry frazzled mess.

My husband is a nail biter.  CHRONIC.  His nails are really painful to look at.  I get completely stressed when I watch him do it.  I try to get him to go to a psychologist or a hypnotist to no avail.

How about you?  Nail biter?  Hair puller?  Zit picker?

What's YOUR nasty habit!!!?

I've been neglecting my baby!

I've been so bad about Collage lately.  So sorry.

Those of you who read my other blog know I've been sucked into a PTO fundraising project and I'm in WAY OVER MY HEAD!  I've been stooped over the sewing machine sewing belts to sell at a vendor night and I'm kind of freaking out!!

I'm so scared that all my time and effort will be for nothing.  I haven't even been able to play tennis, which I need desperately for my body and my sanity.

Have you ever been convinced to participate in, or head up a committee or an event that has really taken over your life?

If so, please share!!

What will we talk about now?

Although it's not official. It looks like the election is over and Barack Obama will be our 44th President.

Now that this election is over-what the heck are we going to talk about?!

Hmmm. Let's see. What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Ummmm.

Did you see High School Musical 3 yet?

How 'bout those Phillies?

Need some Bloggy help!!!

Okay, I am going to somehow spin this as a post about how unorganized I am ... and then I'll get to why I need the help!

I am soooo unorganized, that I can't even find my recipe books from when we moved 2 years ago. They are in one of the many unopened boxes sitting in the unfinished side of the basement I was going to organize 1 year ago. Out of sight, out of mind... I have got to get going, or my poor children will be sooo mad when they finally have to put me in the old folks home, and need to spend days sorting thru all my accumulated junk!

Here's my panic! A group of my girlfriends thought it would be great fun to form a dinner-making group. You know, you make the same dinner 8 times, and then everyone trades. Voila, you have 8 different dinners, life becomes less chaotic, and you have time to clean your basement.

Well, I have nothing. NO IDEAS! Nada! HELP! If you happen to have a favorite awesome EASY recipe that serves 5-6, and is somewhat inexpensive to make (no steak casseroles please! I have to make 8 of them...) and would like to share the recipe with cooking-challenged me, would you go to my regular blog and post it? As an example, one girl is making Mexican Beef tips (which can be served in taco shells/tortillas, over rice or in hoagie buns). I will be forever grateful, and will name one of my clean shelves in the basement in your honor!


The Chic Chauffeur

I Interrupt This Topic Of Conversation To Bring You...

a Voter Freebie in honor of Election Day.



After you perform your civic duty by voting, stop by your local Starbucks Coffee Shop and see if they are participating in the Free Tall Brewed Coffee To All Voters Promotion. (I gave them a call...You can also get a Tall Hot Tea if you are not a coffee drinker...)



So glad that I waited until Election Day to vote instead of standing in line for over 3 1/2 hours (like my husband) to participate in Early Vote. All he got was a sunburn and sore feet while I get a Free Tall Brewed Coffee!!! Guess it does pay to vote, doesn't it!

And just to let you all know out there...it only took me 10 minutes to vote! Ten minutes from the time I walked in the door to the time I stepped back out into the fresh Sunny, FL air.

I am a recovering 'Felix Freak"!! I have really backed off the NEED OF PERFECTION... it is unobtainable!! I was stressed, my kids were stressed and Dr walked on egg shells. What really hit me was the time my parent were coming here to stay for a week-to watch Bird. They came the day before to get all the needed information....all seemed to be fine. When we got back everything seemed to be great. Talked to my brother a couple of days later to find out my parents were a wreak!!!! OMG!!! "Did Bird wear them out?" No-My Mom was a nervous wreak trying to keep my house "The Way I Like It"... She drew diagrams on how I arranged the pillows on the sofa & beds. My stainless steel appliances pushed her over the edge, finger prints etc... In my defence I never expected my dear Mother to even worry about one of these things, I SWEAR! But I must of somehow displayed my freakism for perfection. I felt terrible. A couple things have happened since then. A- I had a hysterectomy(hormones were not my friends),and B- Had a "Come to Jesus Meeting" with my husband. Don't get me wrong I still like my house picked up- trying not to Stress the Small Stuff.

Sleeping With the Enemy

I originally come from the land of disorganization and ADD. Although, I thrive when I am organized which is probably why my best friend and husband are both type A. It is hard work to stay organized and I have learned a lot from them, but still have a long way to go! (please don't look in my closet or my daughters). Sometimes you just have to throw your SHIT around and have some FUN!!!!!

I Hate To Admit It, But I am an

Oscar. With two young girls, it is hard to be the Felix that I really want to be. Maybe when they get older and aren't so much fun to play with?

The Pissed-Off Housewife

Cleaning is kind of like exercise for me. It feels so great once I'm done that you'd think that feeling would motivate me to do it more often. It doesn't. Housework makes me resentful. I spend my time with the dust cloth angrily thinking about all the better things I could be doing (research! volunteering at a charity! going to the gym!). The fact that I probably wouldn't actually be doing any of those things, and would more likely be reading or baking or watching Oprah, is completely lost on me. So, yeah, I'm a little delusional as well as messy.

I hate living with clutter and messiness, but I've never been a neat person. My mother used to exhaust herself yelling at me to pick up my room when I was younger. My half of my college dorm room was the one strewn with clothes (clean and dirty), books, and papers. In my current house the clutter used to accumulate until I got really cranky about it and flew into a maelstrom of cleaning and organizing.

A couple of years ago, when I was laid up with a back injury, my parents got me a housekeeper for six months. Oh, my God. HEAVEN.

I cannot express the difference it has made in our home. Not in just the obvious, hey! clean countertops! way, but in that I don't find myself bitching at my husband and kids as much, or feeling the resentment build until I break down and attack the clutter. It worked out so well, that I made some cuts in the budget to keep her on after the six months were up. She comes every two weeks, leaving me with just the tidying-up cleaning in between. I figured that I was the most pathetic person ever if I couldn't at least manage that.

I still need to work on the organizing, though. The kids bring home a small forest's worth of papers from school each week. Right now my "filing" technique involves piling them next to my dresser, which is an improvement over the crazy pile I used to keep in the dining room. Sigh. Baby steps.

Type A/B

Honestly, I am a bit anal about things. But I am also lazy. Soooooo.... I guess you'd call me a Type A/B.

I like things arranged just so. Symmetrical in space from one another. Preferably in anesthetically pleasing odd numbers. And I hate tiny flaws!! They just ruin otherwise perfect things.

But on the other hand, the cleanliness thing can be put off. I could let dust build up forEVER. Because I hate dusting. But the general appearance of the house is neat (with exception of the spare room.) Neat does not = clean, however. I like things to look arranged and orderly. Very orderly. I am an organizer. I love to organize stuff. I don't care much about the dust and stuff you don't see, though.

Until I get in a mood.....

Then I am psycho cleaning lady who cleans and organizes till it's all done. Perfectly.

See, I truly hate clutter. It makes me anxious. Our house is small, we don't have room for extra junk. The spare room is FILLED with stuff. But since I can shut the door, I don't let it stress me out. If I am in there more than 5 minutes, though, I get the urge to tackle it. But I usually put it off. There is no clutter in the rest of the house, though. Dust, yeah. Tumbleweeds of cat fluff, yeah. Clutter, hell no!!

Luckily we are on the same page in our house. Even Kyle is fairly neat. His Lego sets are all organized in their original boxes (and a ziploc if the box is falling apart, but he keeps the boxes for help on what the project is supposed to look like.) and they are in their own storage tubs. Then all the Star Wars stuff is in its own tub. And so on. With the exception of that damned spare room, our house is very organized.

I posted a picture from a shelf in my cabinets and one of the dreaded spare room. All the cabinets are arranged perfectly, labels out, and are not all mixed up (yes, I know that the green beans and corn are in the same row,as well as the mixed veggies and broth, but they share rows) lol. The spare room looks like a hurricane hit it. It gets organized and cleaned out 100% about twice a year. It's time is coming. Maybe this weekend.

Naming my boys!

Was actually very easy. The only one that was a struggle was my oldest son. My husband (now X) and were young. He was stupid. LOL I mean, he was coming up with names that only a dumb person would, the one that pops into my head and I will never forget is Azreal. Wasn't that the cats name on the smurfs? Come on people...let's be for real.

He ended up choosing Zachary, which I love. And it was his idea to give him Parker as his middle name, as my Father was an only child, and only had daughters, so that name was pretty much done, you know. I loved the idea.

We lost Zachary when he was four days old, and then later had a miscarriage, and really didn't expect to have anymore kids. It just didn't' seem to be in the cards for us. But we did still talk about names. We were visiting an old family cemetery on his side of the family and as soon as we saw his Grandmother's maiden name was Reese....that was all she wrote. We knew if we did have another son, he would be Reese.

And so that is how we ended up with Reese. And we kept the middle name the same as Zachary's.

Then came the last boy...I had always wanted to name a child after my Grandmother, MaMaw, could walk on water as far as I was concerned. But since he was a boy, Annabelle just wasn't going to work, you know? So, we chose her maiden name; Griffith. We toyed with another middle name, but felt that since the first two had Parker, it seemed wrong to use another and well, in the end, I LOVE all of my boys names!

I love how people use family names for their kids, maybe it's just how I roll, lol

Do you have the "Neat Gene?"

I posted on Caffeine Court over the weekend about my constant battle with clutter.

The subject touched a nerve because lots of people jumped in to either sympathize with me, or to tell me that they could help me out. Although it was skewed on the side of pack rats, there were quite a few neatniks in the bunch.

How about you? Are your sock drawers near as a pin? Do you alphabetize your spice rack?

Or are you like me? Junk drawers overflowing, socks unmatched in a laundry basket and piles of papers sitting on your desk.

I'd rather cut the grass, take out the trash, vacuum, pay bills or dust the entire house rather than organize. It's a curse.

I've declared November "Get My Shit Together Month." I'm going to find a place for everything. That way when I ask my family to put things away, they'll know exactly where to go.

Wishful thinking right? I've always been an optimist!!! (Or should I say, I live in a constant state of denial? Optimist sounds so much better.)

8 Letters, what was I thinking?

I have a very easy 4 letter name. DH has a very easy 3 letter name. For some strange reason I thought it would be best to give our children these wonderfully long, traditional names. Little did I realize how much a pain in the ass it would be to teach them to spell and write their names! Our oldest daughter is Mary Kathryn (2 first, no middle). While pregnant I wanted Claire and my husband wanted Mary so I compromised at Mary Claire, which he then axed because it sounded too"snobby" (snobby, come on, she was born in Connecticut!). Playing around with the Mary theme, we put Mary Kathryn together- his aunt's name being Mary and my grandmother, Kathryn. We call her Mary Kate for short, which inevitably is always followed in public by a , "where's Ashley?" Our second daughter is Caroline Flora. I know very cabbage patchy. We loved the name Caroline while pregnant with DD #1, but had already decided on MK. So, 2 years later when we found out we were having another girl, Caroline it was. Flora is my DH's grandmother's middle name, and we thought it sounded equally as feminine as Caroline.

The Name Game In My Family.

My husband and I had made the decision early in our relationship that our children would have the same initials as the parent of the same sex. Well, when we found out the wonderful news with our first child, our two name choices were Bryce Ellis and Kyla Lesley...but until the actual birth, the baby's name was Baby Carrot. At 38 weeks and a day, we were given the gift of a daughter. While I thought she would be the only Kyla in the area, wouldn't you know, the little girl next door to my parents' has the same name!

With our second pregnancy, we knew that our blessing was another little girl. We couldn't decide between another K. L. or B. E. name. At the baby shower, all the guest come up with their favorite name combinations. The front winners were Kendell Lauren, Kalista Lillian, Brianna Elizabeth, Brinn Emerson, and Bryleigh Eden, but until she was born, everyone called her Baby Chili Pepper. At 42 weeks and 2 1/2 days of labor, Bryleigh Eden was born. As of right now, she is the only Bryleigh in the area...that we know of...but her best little boyfriend down the street is named Riley.

Kyla's middle name is after my grandmother...who was such a wonderful and loving woman...just like Kyla. Bryleigh's name was a combination of my husband's first name and my middle name. So in essence, both girls have family names.

The name is never easy

My former husband and I are of different religions and in my religion, you do not name children after someone alive, so that narrows the field quite a bit. We could not agree on a name (we knew we were having a boy) and it was a struggle. He wanted a solid name and I wanted a unique name.

For a while, he was Thomas William, then he was William Arthur, then Thomas Arthur. One day I had decided his name had to be Max and I started calling him that all the time. But my ex still wanted William or Arthur in the mix. So we named him William Maxwell, but we call him Max and he is registered in school as W. Maxwell.

I just don't like the name William, period.

But then I got to give him is Hebrew name and I named him for my father and grandfather - Tavi Israel. So It all worked out for the best.

And that's another cool thing about being Jewish - you get second chances with names.

Naming My Girls

Growing up a Jennifer in the 70's and 80's, one thing I knew for darn sure is that my kid would have a more unique name than me. I was never the only Jenny in the class; there was always a Jenny A., Jenny B., Jenny T., ad infinitum.

When I found out that my oldest was going to be a girl, I pored over name books, made lists, solicited opinions, and pondered. We rejected Sophie Anne, when my uncle remarked that it sounded like a French hooker's name (but I still like it). With great pride, my husband and I finally settled on Hannah Elizabeth. Classic, non-nicknameable, and unique without being weird. Perfect.

The nurse who handed me my tiny, swaddled baby on that snowy February morning remarked matter-of-factly, "This is the sixth Hannah Elizabeth we've had since January first!" And, sure enough, while nowhere near the glut of 1970's Jenny's, there has usually been one other Hannah in her elementary school classes. Damn it.

Our second daughter was named for my grandmother: Kathleen Grace. The name went well with my older daughter's, and I loved the idea of honoring my Mamaw, who has been such a beloved figure in my life. We call her Kate, which I think has that perfect balance of strong and feminine, and reminds me of Katharine Hepburn.

Luckily, we had no boys. My husband was determined to use the name Hamilton, despite my conviction that a kid saddled with that name would get his butt kicked on the playground on a regular basis. I think I would have had to play the "I Suffered To Give Birth To Your Child" card, so I could name him myself.

A rose by any other name....

I am so gonna love this post!

My oldest is named for St. Augustine, but he goes by Austin. St. Augustine first resisted his mother's efforts to convert him to the Church. He even had a concubine! But he came around. I went to a Catholic college, and lived in St. Augustine Hall. His middle name is a family name, which is my father's middle name, and his mother's maiden name.

My second is named for Mary Magdalene (Magdalen), but she goes by Maggie. Mary Magdalene was one cool lady. Hey, just because you screw up your early years, doesn't mean you can't be a friend to Jesus. I hope all of my kids remember that. Her middle name is her Grandpa's name.

My third is named after the apostle John. He was the only one who stood by Jesus during the Passion, and Jesus made him the guardian of his mother, Mary. His middle name is after my husband's brother. He goes by Jack.

Our youngest daughter, though, has a beautiful story that goes with her name. By now, you are all thinking I am a religious nut. Really, I'm not!!!! After 3 kids, my husband was really through. I, however, thought I wanted one more child, but didn't want that issue to come between us. So I was in church one day, and I prayed that God would take away my desire for a 4th child. I heard a voice, as clear as if someone were sitting next to me, say, you are going to have a daughter, and her name is Grace. I was like, WEIRD. I must really want a kid. I am starting to imagine things. It happened that I was driving home to my parents that weekend, to take the kids to see their grandparents. As we returned from the weekend, I saw a billboard that I have never seen since, and had never seen before (and I have traveled up and down this path of I-70 a million times). It said GRACE HAPPENS. It was an ad for some religious group. 9 months later our daughter Grace was born. Her middle name is after my husbands mom.

My Son's Naming

My son is named Kyle. When I was pregnant I had The List. You know, the massive list most expecting moms have. Especially first time moms.

I had Logan, Evan, Ryan, Brandon, Kyle, Collin, Carson, and many others that I can't even remember now. I was pretty undecided. I really like Ryan and Kyle. But was up in the air about it.

Clint had another idea. He loved the name Kyle from the very start. I don't know why. It's not a family name. But he was set on it. I was not positive. By the time I was 8 months along, we had pretty much decided on Kyle. It was on my top ten, so I was fine with it. And there aren't many Kyles in our town. Not like all the Jacobs, Conners, Ethans, or Aidens. I tell you, when a "new name" is used, everyone copies it. It's really annoying. So I was thinking an already established name like Kyle would be good. If I "thought up" my own cool, new name, everyone would "steal" it and then I'd be mad. (Yes, I was the kid growing up that would be extremely pissed when copied off of in school!) With Kyle I wasn't worried about that. I am only pissy about my original ideas. lol.

The middle name was another issue. I wanted to pass on my middle name. It's the same as my Dad's, and his mom's, and her uncle's. It's sort of special to me. But he adamantly refused. I think he thought it would be us "honoring" my Dad, when his dad or himself weren't "honored". Clint wanted to pass on his middle name. Then his Grandma died right before Kyle was born. And then he went (without asking me first) and told his whole freaking family that we were naming Kyle with his widowed Grandpa's name. You should've seen my face when I was asked about that at the funeral home.

I was all like "Hell no!!"

Okay, I actually didn't say that, but my face did. I was PISSED. Like, really pissed. I set that straight right then and there. You just don't do that. I felt sorry for his Grandpa too, but I wasn't naming my kid for him when my name wasn't good enough. Nope.

But I did cave into Clint's middle name. Whatever. Honestly, my middle name didn't flow well with Kyle.

But I have already decided the next kid's name (if ever we have one) and Clint can suck it. lol!

Names

I have two children and the way we came about our names were pretty simple. #1 It had to be two syllables or less (I have a long last name). #2, it had to be pretty common - my name is somewhat off the wall and my sister's is even weirder. So..we came up with Matthew Alan for our son. Matthew for my father (Marvin - no way would I name him that). and Alan because I wouldn't consent to a Jr. My daughter Rachel was to be Hannah, but she was born on my best friend's mother's birthday, so we named her Rachel for Ruth. Her middle name is Susan, same as mine.

Now I selected these names because they were traditional solid names. My daughter wishes she were named something bizarre like Dweezil, and my son just wants me to call him "Cobra". I run through the gamut when I call them (sometimes I include the cats names!), most of the time, it's "Hey, you..." ;-)

What's In a Name?

I'm doing a little survey over at Caffeine Court.  I asked readers to name their children, and their children's five best friends.  I also asked which state they live in.  I wondered if certain states leaned toward any particular states (such as southern states having a preponderance of names like Savannah, and New England states leaning towards names like Nathanial.)

I haven't had a baby in five years, but I remember how much fun it was choosing baby names.

My husband and I went with very traditional names that had meaning for us.  For my oldest daughter we chose Margaret Rose.  We call her Meg, after my great aunt.  We like the name because it can grow with her.  I didn't want to choose a name that wouldn't sound dignified when she is 80 years old.

Our second daughter is Catherine Mary.  Once again named after her great Aunt and Great Grandmother.  There were four children in their family, Mary, Catherine, Margaret and Patrick.  I never had a boy, but if I did I would have loved the name Patrick.  We also would have gone with William after my father.

As you can see, choosing names with meaning was very important to us.  For some people it's all about expressing themselves.  Or they just absolutely love a name and want to pass it on to their child.

In the case of some celebrities the need to be expressive goes a little too far, i.e. Apple, Moses, Knox, Pax, or Dweezil.  I thank God I never felt the need to name my children after a fruit.   

How about you, what's the story behind your children's names?

Less work for Mother

When my girls were teenagers and I had a full time job the mornings were crazy.
One of them was always frantically calling me from upstairs saying "I DON'T HAVE
SOCKS. MOM YOU DIDN'T WASH THE SHIRT I WANTED TO WEAR etc etc
A neighbor of mine said why don't they do their own wash duhhh why didn't Ithink of that.
That was a "load" off my shoulders. Sometimes a simple suggestion can make life so much
easier.

Ahhh...a mother's love

With the economy in the condition it is right now, my parents probably worry about me and my family more than I realize. The other day, my mom and I had a heart to heart about the future, financially speaking.

She looked at me and said, "Just don't do anything stupid, Sass."

Words to live by, my friends. Words to live by. ;)

Short and Sweet

 Men can be controlled with sex and food.

Be Present

When my first daughter was born, my grandmother told me to "Be present in your children's lives. Talk to them, listen to them, and create experiences that they will remember." At the time, with an infant demanding my constant attention, it seemed like a no-brainer. As my children grew older and more self-sufficient, I've discovered that it is all too easy let a day slip by where I'm absorbed in my own tasks and don't take the time to spend a non-rushed block of time just hanging with my kids. I keep her advice in mind, especially since I have a tendency to hop online or pick up a book when there's any down time.

I force myself to step outside of the daily routine, which can easily become consuming, and carve out special time with the kids. On Monday of this week, instead of picking the kids up from school and heading home, I packed their after-school snacks into little wicker baskets and drove down to the river. We munched and chatted on the riverbank, enjoying the last of the autumn leaves and an unusually warm afternoon. There was plenty of time for homework and laundry when we got home.

Let it go...

My friend Celina is the most calm and content person I know.  She has great faith in God.

She always tells me to "put it up to God's will" when I'm worried.  It's so hard to do, but she is right.  We all try so hard to control everything and some things are out of our hands.

When I'm able to follow her advice, which isn't easy to do, it's very comforting.

I'm doing it right now. A friend of mine recieved a voice message from a doctor regarding some test results.  Now she can't get in touch with anyone from the office.  I feel stressed, but all I can do is put it up to God.

I think I need to go to church more!!!

Easy to Say, Hard to do...

My dad once told me that it is a kindness to accept help from others. He said it was far easier to give help than to take it.

Isn't that the truth? It is so easy to be the one who lends a hand. I love to make a meal for a friend who is ill, wrap a special gift when I see someone who needs cheering up, take carpool turns when my friends are overwhelmed. But when I am the one who is overwhelmed, I don't want anyone to know. I guess I don't want anyone to see a chink in the armour.

So Dad really did know best.

He also taught me how to crochet. He learned when he was in the Navy. I love that guy!

Because I'm Feeling Kinda Brave Today...

I decided to take Caffeine Court up on her challenge to come up with a new topic...so here goes...

"What is the best advice that someone gave you and why?"

From a very young age, my parents always told me that I could date who ever I wanted, but I would know when I met the person I should marry when I could see myself growing old with that person. At the time, I thought it was a bunch of silly words that they were using to "control" who I dated.

Well, I didn't listen to that advice and became involved in an early relationship to a man who was "bad news". Good thing that when I finally was able to remove myself from that situation, my parents' advice came back to me. From the moment I talked to my husband, I knew he was the one for me. Not only could I see myself growing old with him, but I also knew that (and this sounds so cheesy) while I was a complete person already, he enhanced me.

We just celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary and are the blessed parents of two beautiful girls. While we aren't trying to hurry up the aging process, we do look forward to aging gracefully together.

I'm handing over the reins!

I'm not feeling very creative today, so I need your help.  

Can someone please come up with a topic?  The first person who posts sets the tone, then we can all run with her idea.

Ready, set, GO!!!

What Am I Afraid Of?

Snakes, lizards, did I say snakes?

Flying (well, I'm not exactly afraid...it's a control issue...it makes me uncomfortable but I'm getting better as I've had to do a fair amount of it in the last couple of years)

Fire...not fireplaces and candles...forrest fire....house fire...the really destructive kind.

Losing my family...I know I can't control that but the thought of something happening to my husband or one my of children...

Hospitals...make me go into a room where a person is hooked up to wires and tubes and I WILL have a panic attack.

And I'm not wild about the dark if I'm home alone. That about sums it up!!

My List Of Fears...

- Feet
- Spiders
- Clowns
- Scary Movies
- Small Spaces
- Dying Young
- Losing My Loved Ones

While the last three seem to be pretty common with other women, the first four have been a source of torment to me for years. I have had people go out of their way to touch me with their feet or try to touch mine. A former supervisor put a gigantic fake spider on my desk chair when I was hugely pregnant and I almost went into labor! She is the same supervisor that gave me a copy of "Killer Clowns From Outer Space" as a "gift". Not sure why I still like her and count her as a friend...guess I am just plain silly.

Phobia....

I'm not really a scaredy cat per se, but I have a few namely, dying alone. My son not having adequate care after I die, but the biggest right now is fear of being left behind. I believe that when you divorce, there's a certain acceptable period of time to be single. If you've not managed to hook up in that time frame - people start to drift away because either you take on that desperate air (which was never me) or the spinster who'd rather be alone (not me either, but I think that's where someone who's "too independent" gets filed). When my job took me on the road too much to find a mate, and then my mom got sick and I became the caregiver, my life went on hold - not completely my choice, but I wouldn't have done anything differently. The first couple of years everyone was around, but then after that, as each illness became more prolonged and more of my time went to caring, people began to drift away. As we move closer to retirement - I fear that I do not see a place where I'm accepted for me and seen with "pity" as the one who couldn't find a match.

What I fear....

I've lived in the deep south...I've seen things happen and certain people react in a way I never thought possible.

For example...I needed a rental in Memphis, TN. The guy who came to get me was African American and he was driving really sloow when everyone else, who I noticed to be white was breezing right by us. I asked him what the heck was going on- he said 'oh ma'am, white cops don't like us much and will find a reason to stop me so I just go slow so that they dont have a reason to stop me'.

That made me sad. What a way to live.

In any case, put aside all political affiliations, and let's just think about Obama, his family, etc.

Are we (in we I say my diverse group of friends) the only ones who fear that if Mr. Obama gets elected someone will try something as stupid as was done with JFK, MLK, and so on?

That is something I fear...I hope it never comes to fruition, but having lived in the 'deep south' and seen the hatred still be alive and kickin'....it just worries me a tiny bit...because there are just too many crazy people out there.

I fear.....

Small spaces, elevators, getting stuck somewhere, being lost, not being able to find a bathroom. All of these are related to my IBS issues.

But I also fear not being accepted - I wish I could get past my own internal insecurities and just really let go and fully enjoy life and it's experiences.

I am getting better at it, but I still have work to do.

Talking about it helps, so thank you all for listening.

Autophobic

Yes, I am in fear of myself, or at least what I will say in small talk.

I have had a wonderful life of always having people I loved around me, that accept me for who I am. At the very least, in most new situations I have had at least one of these people to rely on. Now, with my daughter just starting out in school, meeting new parents etc... I find myself putting my foot in my mouth way too often.

You see, I come from a very sarcastic, teasing way of life and this is not always welcome in all social situations. For example, last night as I was talking to a small group of woman, one was talking about her new Nanny and how she does EVERYTHING, taking care of the children, cleaning, cooking, laundry and how all her friends were jealous. As we were talking a little girl came up to her and asked her where she could wash her hands, and she replied " I have no idea" to which my reaction was to her, "Yeah, you should have told her to find the Nanny to do it!" (insert my own laugh). As you can imagine, there was a very uncomfortable silence.

This is why I am in fear of myself......at least what comes out of my mouth that is not filtered:)

Seriously...

I completely freak out at the thought of being up high, in an open space. I am fine flying. Or being in a tall building, looking out the window. But once, I had to get a ladder out to climb up on top of the shed at our old house to get a ball off the top (my youngest son has a great arm!) I completely lost it, started crying, and the kids had to go get my neighbor to help me down the ladder (He actually had to climb up, and walk down the ladder with me. Very embarrassing). Once we stayed in a hotel in downtown St. Louis, and decided to walk down to the riverfront. We had to walk across an overpass. I swear to you, I almost passed out. I was so scared the kids would fall off. I was screaming at my husband and my brother-in-law to grab their hands, and I practically had to crawl across myself. It was about a 30 second interval, but it felt like an hour. Afterwards, I wanted to cry with relief that we had made it across alive. Isn't that silly? I was just sure we were going to plummet to our deaths.

I know it's a cliche.

The Big "C"

My greatest is fear is a common one amongst my mommy friends: the fear of dying while our children are young. For me, it's specifically cancer. I wait anxiously for my Pap results and flip-flop between completely skipping self-breast exams (hey! no news is good news!) and doing them, then freaking out over every tiny possibly lumpish thing I find. Once when I had to go to the emergency room with chest pains (embarrassingly, a panic attack), I sat and wrote both of my kids a letter. You know, in case I didn't come back.

Hypochondriac, you ask? Baby, I wrote the book. It peaked tremendously during both of my pregnancies (I totally blame "ER"). I cornered my OB with lists of symptoms, names of rare diseases I was pretty sure I had, and questions to cover every possible outcome. It got so bad that at one appointment, he leaned in and asked, "Do you read a lot of medical books?" I nodded eagerly, proud that he appreciated my intelligent assessment of symptoms, my heightened awareness of atypical pregnancy maladies.

Instead, he abruptly turned from me and said to my husband, "I want you to take away ALL of her pregnancy books." To me he said, "Watch sit-coms."

And, incidentally, Mommy's Little Happy Pills (thank you, Paxil!) have taken a serious edge off of my hypochondria. Now, when I wake up nauseous, I tend to think it's a 24 hour bug rather than the bird flu or ebola.

Don't forget me, please.

I have been thinking about the fear thing, and I think I share a lot of common fears with most people. Spiders, snakes, rats, etc. But the thing I fear the most in life is being forgotten. There's a name for it. Athazagoraphobia.

My parents are selling their house and going to live in the camper all over the country now. What if they forget to come see me? My husband has a job where he works all day, and the kids are in school, but I'm just here alone. What if they forget to come home?

Okay, those are extreme, and highly unlikely. But, I've noticed when I do visit my hometown, I'm not always friendly to people I see in the store or at a restaurant, because I figure they don't remember who I am. I figure I have probably been forgotten. And that can be a really scary feeling.

Each day when I open my blog to see if there are comments, I figure there won't be. I figure everyone will have moved on to someone funnier, or more interesting, or more intelligent. I figure I'll be forgotten. So far, I've done okay.

So there ya have it. My fear. Not my only one, by far. But probably my most intense.

Blogophobia

My fear is that I will be a failure as a Blogger. I almost gave into it today and resigned. But I took a deep breath dusted myself off and will continue to Blog. It's like the fear of being unpopular. I check each day to see if anyone has read my Blog but it's usually only my faithful daughters.
Please don't take this as a pathetic attempt to pick up some followers. I am just being honest.
Oh flying scares me but I do it all the time the thought of crashing is there on take off and landing. When there is a plane crash I read every detail which stays with me forever.
I was also terrified when my girls were teenagers that they would die in a car crash. They are all mothers now so Thank God all that worrying for nothing.

Phobia-Rama!

I asked for topic suggestions and you really delivered. Here's a topic suggested by jenn. "What are your phobias?"

We all have phobias. When I was a child I was REALLY afraid of heights. My legs would shake whenever I was up too high on the monkey bars or whenever I went to the top of a tall building. Now, it's no problem at all. Heights don't bother me in the slightest. I cruise right on up to the top of the monkey bars every day now, knocking down any little brats who try to beat me there!!! :)

My husband has (in my opinion) an irrational fear of snakes. He can't even look at them on TV. When we go to the zoo I try to break him of it. I chide him to come into the reptile house. "Be strong.." I tell him, "overcome it." But he can't. Hmmmm. My uncle is a psychiatrist and he's tried to explain how deep rooted these fears can be. And that all the logic and persuasion in the world can't change a fear.

My phobia now? Well...if you can call it a phobia I would say the fear that one of my children or one of my pets will be hit by a car. If we're out front I can't take my eyes off Catherine (my 5 year old). I have these horrible visions of her running out in the street, just as some busy mom in an SUV comes barreling down the street on her cell phone. It freaks me out.

How about you?

Selling My Soul to the Devil

Well, I did it, I have sold my soul to the Devil(well, sort of). I have a friend who gets Botox for a very discounted price. I SWORE that I would never do it!!! After confirming that it was the real thing and when she offered it to me, after I payed full price for a treatment, I threw caution to the wind. I just could not stand the inherited crater being formed between my eyebrows! I was so afraid that someday I would lose something in it:) That is all, just a little Botox and oh so worth it!!!

Pray for me.

No Regrets

Plastic surgery kind of freaks me out-the non-reversible stuff. I have to say genetically I have been blessed to look like my Mother's side of the family and not like Dad's.

But to due to my foolish youth I sun damaged my skin, so last year I had a Obagi Blue Peel to remove some bad pigmentation on my face. Loved the results. Will do it again,time permitting to be out of commission for about 4 days.

Last month I had some Restylane injected around my mouth. Bruised the crap out of my lips. But now I really like it.Don't know how long it will last?? Costs a butt load! No one even seemed to notice,which is good.

Will never go under the knife-NO WAY.

Me, Unenhanced

Before I had kids, I was obsessive about my appearance. Any spare cash or credit went to clothes, shoes, or makeup. Every pound, stray hair, or blemish was hunted down and ruthlessly eliminated. I fantasized about getting a little tweak to my nose or a boob job. Oooh, maybe a teensy eyelid lift, just to freshen things up. Totally wasn't going to happen on a teacher's salary.

Now, as a mom, I'm more zen about the whole appearance thing. (Hang on - I'll be right back. I'm laughing too hard to type).

Okay, I'm totally not zen. What I am is a freaking chicken and superstitious as hell. I feel like if I chose to go under the knife purely for vanity reasons that some vengeful Old Testament-y God would kill me on the operating table and leave my children motherless. I support anybody's decision to have plastic surgery; I just have too many personal issues to go through with it.

So, instead, I deal with my feelings of inadequacy and continue to spend every spare dime on cute clothes and makeup. (Has anyone tried Smashbox eyeshadow? Is it not THE BEST EVER?)

In a heartbeat!

I would love to have some jiggle removed. Just this weekend I was disgusted when I caught a glimpse of my arm in the car mirror, still waving when the wave had ended. Ugh! After breastfeeding 2 children a year each, my DD's desperately need a lift and while I am under, might as well do a tummy tuck too.

Under the knife

Hell to the Yes!! I would have plastic surgery done in a heart beat. If I had the money I would be lifted, tucked, and sucked! I am not afraid of the pain. Bring it on. My motto: no pain no gain!

Do You Want To Know Something Funny?

I use to tell people that I wanted a "Mommy Make-Over" after I was finished have children. I was going to have a tummy tuck as well as a boob lift. But you know what...after I had Bryleigh via c-section...there is no way that I will ever have elective abdominal surgery again!

Does anyone know if they can do no-incision tummy tucks and boob lifts? Because until that happens, I will be a proud member of the Saggy Boobie Marsupial Mommy Club!

Yes, Yes, Yes...I am for making yourself happy!

I believe in making yourself happy. And if doing that means plastic surgery, then I say - go for it!

I have had a tummy tuck. Why? Because no matter that I could do 100 crunches without blinking, after a C-Section I could not lose the tummy flab. And I hated it.

Hated it.

S I saved my money, interviewed several plastic surgeons and chose a woman doctor who seemed to understand how I felt. And I loved it.

Loved it.

I instantly felt more attractive and more confident in my wardrobe choices. I loved my flat belly and it took me down the road when I have now lost over 25 more pounds since the surgery. I love how I look in a bikini, a short dress, a tight dress, jeans.

The best part? My DH did not find me any less attractive before or after. He was blind to the whole thing I had going on in my head. Because that's where it was - im my head. He wanted me no matter what. And now I could return that feeling fully, no self confidence issues.

My bottom line - if it will make you happy - YOU - then go for it. Don't do it for anyone but YOU.

To be a Barbie girl?

I would love to have Barbie's bod, I'm not gonna lie. Who wouldn't want long, shapely legs, a waist that would make Scarlett O'Hara jealous, the perfectly sculpted face, or the full D cup she's sporting?

I would! I would!!

But, sigh, it is not my lot in life. I'm more like overweight Skipper.

If money were not an obstacle, though, what would I do to improve myself???

Well, I'd love perky, supple breasts as much as the next girl, but I don't know if I could go through with implants, just for vanity's sake. It sounds excruciatingly painful. I'd be paranoid that they'd bust. And would they feel fake? I don't know if they'd be worth the risk. I know a few girls who have had implants. The one common denominator was they were very insecure girls. I don't know if the implants helped in that department or not, but I hope so. I am not judging, if they want bigger boobs, they should have them, but I don't know if it's the route I'd choose. I'm sort of a wuss, so imperfect breasts will do.

But on the other hand, I would love to *ahem* even out some differences I've got up top. It would be nice to be symmetrical. It's a toss up on the ta tas.

As for plastic surgery on the face, no. I was blessed with a good enough nose, and the cheekbones and chin are adequate, so I am satisfied. If I weren't so satisfied, then who knows? But I think it'd be so unsettling to one day wake up with a different nose or whatever, even if it was for the better. It'd be so weird. I do think Ashley Simpson's new nose is beautiful, but I also thought she was cute before. To each her own.

Botox and plumping injections are another story. I'd love some now, please!! I already have under eye wrinkles and crow's feet, so bring it on. But I cannot afford this, so it's out of the question. They are only temporary and mostly safe so I would not hesitate if it weren't so expensive.

When it comes to lipo or similar procedures, yes, I say go for it. If I did lose the weight I need to lose, I'd still have a lumpy lower abdomen. It'll never be flat again. The C-section ruined any hope of a flat tummy ever again. I'd take a tummy-tuck if I could afford it.

Face lifts freak me out. They almost always look creepily unnatural. I know nobody wants to look 70, but it's weird to look 35 when you are twice that. Give it up.

And then there are the freaks like Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson that don't know when to stop. They are poster children for what is wrong with plastic surgery. A little enhancement is good, trying to become someone else is just strange and sad.

Skin Deep

Thanks for all the great topic suggestions. We will get to each and every one of them. Since I have to start somewhere, I'm going to begin with Scarlet O'Kara's suggestion.


Would you consider plastic surgery, or have you already had plastic surgery? If so, which procedure and why?

To answer that question. No, I've never had plastic surgery. I've had Botox and I loved it. It really works great. Too bad it's so expensive or I would do it more often. I love that injectibles Restylane or Perlane are getting more and more affordable and I plan on doing more when the price comes down a little. My plan, Botox for my forehead and crows feet, and filler for my marionette lines. I have friends who go every few months and they look awesome!!!

As for actual surgery, I'm not going there, At least not now. Maybe when I'm 60 I'll get an eye lift. ONCE. I do NOT want to look like a freak.

I know tons of ladies with breast implants. Most of them love the results. Personally I would love to have a hot Playboy Bunny rack, but I'm not willing to go through the pain and expense it would require for me to have one. Luckily my husband doesn't want me to. If he asked me to do it, I'd feel pretty crappy.

How about you?

Topics needed...

I'm looking for some original new topics for Collage.  Let me know your thoughts!

-Jill

Another case study.....

I've taught my kids that you measure a person by their character, not their gender, race, sexual orientation or even politics (although that one is a little tougher for my rabidly liberal daughter). If they are a good person, that is what counts. My kids grew up knowing my sister is gay and have been surrounded by a couple of "uncles" - friends of my sister and I - who are also gay. They've also been around the most hetero manly men too - so they have had exposure to both sides of the spectrum. One day, When my daughter was four, Uncle Gary was over visiting with my sister. We were all sitting on the front porch and she asked me if she was gay. Now, how do you explain this one to a four year old? I asked her if she wanted to kiss a boy or kiss a girl when she grew up...she thought for a moment and said, I want to kiss boys. I replied, "Then you're not gay." Uncle Gary laughed and said that was best, simplest explanation he'd ever heard - because he knew as a four year old he wanted to kiss boys.

The World is Changing...at least mine

I grew up feeling uncomfortable thinking about people being gay. I grew up thinking that everyone I knew was heterosexual, I was wrong. As an adult I have learned that my loving Uncle was gay and felt that he had to hide it from his family. He died, still not coming out to us. The thought makes me so sad. Now, I am determined to teach my children to accept everyone, whatever their sexual orientation is, whatever their race is, whatever difference they have from us. I am still growing and I will grow and learn with them. I expose my children to all different types of people. I try to teach them that the world is a wonderful place because we are all different and that makes it interesting. (I am still working on my husband)


I also believe that you are born with your sexual orientation predetermined. However, I believe that in some cases people choose to be gay for other reasons.

My Money's On Biology

One thing I've come to realize in my wise and enlightened thirties, is that so much of who we are is genetically programmed. No amount of forcing myself into social situations will change the fact that I am basically an introvert. No amount of dieting will completely eradicate my issues with body image. Dating women would never change the fact that I dig guys. And I find it hard to believe that the opposite isn't true for homosexuals. Every gay friend I've ever had has told me that they knew from a young age that they were gay.

There was recently an episode at my daughter's junior high where a rash of kids dropped an elective class because a rumor spread that the teacher was a lesbian. My daughter, who is in that class and who is aware of the basics of homosexuality, said to me, "I don't get why that's a big deal." I was so proud of her.

I've always counted gay people amongst my friends, starting with family friends during my childhood. Some of the best parents of my current acquaintance are gay couples, and I find it inexplicable that some people feel their sexual orientation overshadows their commitment to each other and their children. If we're looking for shocking and unnatural sex acts, I have stories from my (straight) college roommate that would curl your hair, or cause your husband to snort wine out his nose if you decide to share those stories with him at a fancy dinner.

I support equal rights for gays and gay marriage wholeheartedly.

Barbara says...

"Thanks so much for all your fabulous input. It's wonderful to have such a terrific team of dynamic women of different ages, experiences and backgrounds discussing the most exciting events of the day. Keep up the good work ladies!"

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1.02.05

What I Was Taught vs. What I Have Come To Believe...

are completely different. Growing up, it was "wrong". As I have spent more time on earth and met many wonderful Gay people, my beliefs have changed. I do believe that there are some people who are Gay because it is trendy, shocking, or something new...but I also believe that there are others who did not have a choice in the matter.

As for my daughters knowing what it means to be Gay...well, right now they are 5 and 10 months. At this age, they are more interested in toys and making sure that they both get the same amount of attention from Mom, Dad, and the rest of the relatives. I am sure that at a later date, this subject will come up. When that time comes, we will discuss it and answer any questions that they may have. Both my husband and I try to parent our children in a way that they are not and will not be afraid to talk with us about anything and everything.

To be, or not to be?

I believe there is something to be said for the effect that some types of nuturing might have on forming a person’s sexual orientation. I would certainly not say that is the ONLY way that sexual orientation is formed. And certainly not the LEADING way that sexual orientation is formed. I just think there might be a correlation in some cases.

If you are a homosexual relationship, I believe the United States of America should offer you the same rights that other citizens who have formed a similar partnership enjoy. I can’t personally include 'holy matrimony' as one of those rights. I think God intended marriage as a sacrament between a man and a woman. I know a lot of you don't share that opinion, and that's ok. I can honestly see both sides to the argument, and will never really know this side of heaven whether I made the correct interpretation.

My children understand what being gay means. I'm not sure they know anyone that they are certain is gay. My husband has a co-worker who is in a relationship, and we have a great time with her and her partner on company trips. We have had some rousing discussions with both of them trying to swing me over to their way of thinking (politically, of course!!!).
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Nature or Nuture? I'm a case study.....

I say it's nature - you don't choose to be gay. I think there are levels of "gayness" - ala the Kinsey scale. But I don't believe anyone chooses to be - pardon the pun - out and out gay. My sister is gay, I am not. We were both raised the same way, and we've been relatively close our entire lives. That being said, we are very different - she's wannabe domestic goddess, I'm the "sportier" one, playing golf, skiing, tennis (no longer, CC!). I've always known that she was gay, it was never anything stated and she never came out to me. We've discussed it as adults and she often said she's known it her whole life.

She's been in long term relationships for most of her adult life, 23 years with one partner and about 5 with her current partner. I've been divorced for 10 years and apart from an on again, off again relationship, between kids, career and a sick parent, I've been single. We've often joked that if I were gay, I'd have been single for 10 minutes.

Early in their relationship, her current partner set up a "blind date" (unbeknown to me) with a friend of hers - we all met for dinner and the girl was just great - and not fitting any gay stereotypes at all. After dinner, my sister's partner pulled me aside and asked me what I thought of her...I responded that she was great, a wonderful conversationalist and I hoped we'd all get together again some time.

"No, no, no" she asked - "Are you interested?"

Dumb look on my face, "In what?" I tried to recall the conversation, "Protesting the funding cuts for student aid?" We had talked about tuition issues at the university where they both worked.

Exasperated look on her face - "Your sister was right...you ARE straight" Evidently, I was being hit on and never knew it!!!

It's definitely Nature.

Very Complex

No simple cause for sexual orientation has been conclusively demonstrated, and there is no scientific consensus as to whether the contributing factors are primarily biological or environmental. Many think both play complex roles.[1][2]. The American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychological Association have both stated that sexual orientation probably has multiple causes.[3][4] Conclusive proof of a biological cause of sexual orientation would have significant political and cultural implications. [5]

Just put the word "Gay" into a Google Search and it's mind boggling to read all the research that has and is still being done to determine why an individual is Gay.
My feeling is that regardless of why a person is Homosexual has nothing to do with how they should be treated by society. Yes there are some women and men who decide to experiment for the thrill of it and aren't gay this isn't what we are referring to.
My children are grown and are all in Heterosexual relationships. I would not have loved any one of them any less if they had been gay. I know that it's not easy for a parent to accept and the reason is the intolerant smug people that will make life difficult for that child.
My brother who is deceased was gay and it breaks my heart that he was never able to discuss it with my family and therefore had to feel so isolated. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret not having sat down and talked about it with him.
Why didn't I ??

Wow, I could talk about this for hours...

but I won't do that. However, what pisses me off..today?

1) Not having the balls to lay people off in person. What the hell is up with a telephone call?

2) Women talking on the phone while driving and not using a hands free device. It's distracting enough to use a phone and drive, why make it worse. And then go 35 in the fast lane on the highway.

3) Speaking of highways - tailgaters are terrifying and jerks.

4) A migraine that will not go away no matter how much medicine I take.

5) Someone foisting their views on me - religious, political, etc. - without being wiling to listen to any alternative viewpoint.

6) Intolerance - I have seen a lot of that lately and it makes me sad.

I could go on, but I do like to think of myself as an optimist.

What I believe...

It would be very Catholic of me to say that, yes, being gay is a choice, ( say a rosary and all will be forgiven) however I really do not believe that. Just as our graceful moderator pointed out, I do think some people choose to be in same-sex relationship, whether or not that makes them gay is another million dollar question. But down to the heart of it, I can't imagine most homosexual people just wake up one morning and say, "I'd like to try something new today..." In a lot of places, being gay is socially acceptable, but in small town rural America, it is still a taboo. I really believe people would not put themselves in a compromising situation, about their sexuality, on the whim of being different or trying something new. My other Catholic conscience, also, believes we are all innately good people, regardless of sexual preference and your choice to be gay is not any more a "sin" or wrong than me lusting after Brad Pitt.

As for my children, my older daughter has seen some same sex couples in public. I have really just explained that all families are different and some families have two mommies/daddies, or just one of each etc... Both girls, ages 6 & 8 have seemed pretty satisfied with that answer for the time being.

Nature vs. Nurture

I'm going to get a little controversial here.  Let's talk about being gay.

Do you think it's a choice?  Do your children know what the term "gay" means?

I'll answer those questions.  In some cases I think people choose to engage relations with members of the same sex.  Especially girls.  It's kind of chic to be a lesbian, and I think alot of young ladies do it to be cool.

To BE gay is a different matter.  I don't think it's a choice.  I think some people are just gay.

I see it already with some of the children in my life.  One of my friends SWEARS her oldest son is gay.  She says she's known it since he was about 3.  (He's 8 now.) I've advised her not to announce it at social gatherings and it drives her husband nuts.  But the truth of the matter is, I DO think he probably is.  I just think he's too young to have that label.  His mom should be a little more discreet.

Another one of my friends has a 7 year old daughter who only wears boy's clothes.  She runs around in the summer in a boy's bathing suit and no shirt,  (At her own pool.) She rides a boy's bike and only plays with dinosaurs and Rescue Heroes.   Maybe she just likes boy things, but my instinct tells me that she might be gay.  Or, she might just be a tomboy.   

We all have masculine and feminine traits and interests.  I would never say to ANYONE I know what I think, but it will be interesting to see what happens in 10 years.  (Oh and yes, I know that being a lesbian doesn't mean a woman only dresses in boys clothes and plays sports...I'm just sharing my thoughts on this particular little girl.)

Finally, a boy in my 9 year old daughter's class told her yesterday that he is gay.  To meet him is to believe it.  I love him, he's a doll.  But I was class mom in first grade and I remember thinking he seemed gay when I would see him at parties.  It's just amazing to me that in 4th grade he is already aware of this!!!

You might be wondering...how do these children know what GAY is at such a young age?  Well I can tell you that my daughter knows because she knows gay people.  Two of the tennis pros at our club are in a relationship.   My girls know that Candace and Nicole are a couple.  Last summer when we stayed at a beautiful  Inn in Boothbay Harbor Maine, the Innkeepers gay men.  My daughters saw them holding hands, they knew that they were married.

My girls don't know the SPECIFICS of being gay.  They just know that it means a man marries a man, or a woman marries a woman.  They just accept it as a fact of life.  Which I think is good.

What do you think??

THIS pisses me off.....

1. Narrow minded people

2. Small women in huge SUVs talking on their cell phones while trying to park in the compact car spot at Starbucks

3. Holier than thou anything

4. The View - I have to leave the room when its on.

5. Eagles losing - which has happened more frequently than not this year.

6. Dealing with public agencies - long stories, but don't have a disability or get old...you'll get NO help.

Things that Annoy Me...How much time do you have???

1. Educators who don't really care about children. Listen HERE...your job is to make sure that children learn! It doesn't matter if you taught it 65,000 times...if the children don't learn it then YOU DIDN'T REALLY TEACH IT. You can spout out all of "parents don't care" and "society is a mess" and whatever else you want but the fact remains that children come to us, in may cases sleep-deprived, hungry, dirty, and unloved. If you can't deal with that and open your heart to do WHATEVER IT TAKES for ALL OF THE CHILDREN....even the ones who aren't so lovable then FIND YOURSELF A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!

2. Cigarette smoke

3. People who are ugly and hateful about the political party that they disagree with. Everybody has a reason for why they think the way they think...it's not for us to judge anybody elses motivation. We don't have to agree and I DON'T agree with many folks; however, they are entitled to their feelings. Let's all just calm down, why don't we...

4. Tommy Bowden

5. Tattletales

6. The holes in my front yard dug by the neighbor's dog.

7. Flying coach (which I do 99% of the time...but it annoys me nonetheless)

8. Whiny people (which I am right now but YOU ASKED!!)

9. Telemarketers

10. People who won't return phone calls...turn off your answering machine if you aren't going to reply

11. People who don't say "thank you"

That's it for the moment...I might be back on this topic later on!!

Does Pollyanna have a list like this??

Remember that Monte Python movie the Life of Bryan? Where the guys have the song...'Always look at the bright side of life..'? (That movie cracks me up, by the way). Well, my new years resolution this year was not to be such a negative Nellie. Make lemonade if I got lemons. You know the drill. And in case any of my fellow collagers start to get irritated.....I am not a super chipper person by nature. Really. Hence the resolution.

All that said, I am still participating in the Great Piss Off posting! I have to go there! Who can go through life and not get irritated, even if they are trying like crazy to have a positive mental attitude?

Mine is disrespect. That's a biggie I know. And kind of all encompassing. It would totally cover the lady who was not respectful of the other drivers on the highway when one of my favorite Jersey drivers was tooling around with her mother. It covers my sweet kids when they get a little sassy and ungrateful and are disrespectful to their beautiful momma, and it covers the woman at Mass who can not seem to break herself away from Father's riveting homily to take her SCREAMING child into the very nicely decked out cry room only 50 feet away from her pew, thereby disrespecting the entire congregation.

I think, if everyone just thought about the people around them a little bit, the world would be a nicer place. And it totally pisses me off when the rude SOBs don't.

Phew. I"m glad I got that off my chest. Back to the Happy Game, Aunt Polly!

Therapy Session: Anger Management

 WOW! I certainly can feel the anger being released when reading these posts!

Don't you all feel so much lighter?

Okay, her I go(deep cleansing breath):

* Parents who think that is more important to WIN or BE THE BEST than being a good, honest person

* Ex wives who think that just because they moved on to someone else that the children should also leave their father behind

* People who disregard cones in the road or requests to not pass in the carpool line

* Those who think being gay is because something happened to you as a child and don't believe that you are who you are and accept it

* People who can only see black or white and never understand the grey area

* Ignorant people 

* People who tell EVERYTHING to EVERYONE even if you specifically asked them not to

* Parents who do not teach their children respect for adults, responsibility, and also taking time to appreciate time at HOME,  instead over scheduling them

* People who love to focus on something negative about you to make themselves feel better

I feel much brighter now that I let that all out:)

Have an anger free day!!!!

Hmm...what ticks me off?!

SOO many things tick me off! Really, one might think I'm the angriest person alive if I listed everything, huh? LOL I'm not really, I just let things get under my skin more so than others I guess.

• People who think because they have a title they are Holier Than Though and should be treated as tho they are the highest of importance. I'm not talking about people with titles such as Doctors, or Lawyers. I'm talking about people who VOLUNTEER for a position, then think because they are doing this "out of the goodness of their heart" we should bow down to them and kiss the ground they walk on. Nope, not happening here people!
• Father's who forget they have a family from their first marriage. These guys claim to still love & cherish their children, but yet still put them last on the list of priorities and the cry when the kids do the same towards them!
• Liars. I am pretty sure that everyone knows a "liar" and knows where I am coming from on this one, right?
• People who are always right, or think they are right. Doesn't matter the subject, or whatever, they know it all. As my husband says "they've been there, done that", but not really, they just think they have.

See, I told you there were a lot of things that tick me off, I'll just stop here so you guys don't think I'm the angriest person alive, LOL

There Are Too Many Things That "TICK ME OFF"

to put into just one post, but after watching last night's debate...this has got to be my #1...

~~~

I thought Sarah Palin did a wonderful job in the debate. Alot of people predicted that she would fail and fail miserably. She surprised everyone and like I knew she would...held her own against a seasoned Washington DC Political Insider.

So, it just ticks me off how the press (and the Hollywood Elite) keep talking about how horrible she is...how she lost the debate...how she was too "folk-sy"...how awful it would be if she became Vice President...that it is like a "BAD DISNEY MOVIE"!?!? If that is the case, why don't they move to Canada? And speaking of moving out of our Wonderful Country, are they not the same people that said pretty much the same thing when W was running for re-election? Why didn't they honor their word and move?



Also, I had mentioned in a previous post about how I like to learn about the candidates. In that line of thought, this needs to be mentioned. Before last nights debate, I had not done alot of research on Biden. After his heartfelt comments about "knowing what it is like to be a single parent" and "leaning over the bed of an injured child, praying that they will live"...I had to research him further.

Did you know that his wife and 3 children were involved in a serious car accident shortly after he won his first election? I didn't. His young wife had taken the children to pick out a Christmas tree and they were hit by a large truck as they pulled onto the street. The wife and 13 month old daughter were killed. His two sons were critically injured and hospitalized for many months. He immediately tried to resign his position, but was talked out of it. So for countless months, he rode the train 1 1/2 hours each way to work so that he could be home each night to sit by the bedside of his injured boys. WOW...



But in closing, I just had to include this photo of Sarah and her beautiful little boy.



She is my Mommy Hero!