Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Nature vs. Nurture

I'm going to get a little controversial here.  Let's talk about being gay.

Do you think it's a choice?  Do your children know what the term "gay" means?

I'll answer those questions.  In some cases I think people choose to engage relations with members of the same sex.  Especially girls.  It's kind of chic to be a lesbian, and I think alot of young ladies do it to be cool.

To BE gay is a different matter.  I don't think it's a choice.  I think some people are just gay.

I see it already with some of the children in my life.  One of my friends SWEARS her oldest son is gay.  She says she's known it since he was about 3.  (He's 8 now.) I've advised her not to announce it at social gatherings and it drives her husband nuts.  But the truth of the matter is, I DO think he probably is.  I just think he's too young to have that label.  His mom should be a little more discreet.

Another one of my friends has a 7 year old daughter who only wears boy's clothes.  She runs around in the summer in a boy's bathing suit and no shirt,  (At her own pool.) She rides a boy's bike and only plays with dinosaurs and Rescue Heroes.   Maybe she just likes boy things, but my instinct tells me that she might be gay.  Or, she might just be a tomboy.   

We all have masculine and feminine traits and interests.  I would never say to ANYONE I know what I think, but it will be interesting to see what happens in 10 years.  (Oh and yes, I know that being a lesbian doesn't mean a woman only dresses in boys clothes and plays sports...I'm just sharing my thoughts on this particular little girl.)

Finally, a boy in my 9 year old daughter's class told her yesterday that he is gay.  To meet him is to believe it.  I love him, he's a doll.  But I was class mom in first grade and I remember thinking he seemed gay when I would see him at parties.  It's just amazing to me that in 4th grade he is already aware of this!!!

You might be wondering...how do these children know what GAY is at such a young age?  Well I can tell you that my daughter knows because she knows gay people.  Two of the tennis pros at our club are in a relationship.   My girls know that Candace and Nicole are a couple.  Last summer when we stayed at a beautiful  Inn in Boothbay Harbor Maine, the Innkeepers gay men.  My daughters saw them holding hands, they knew that they were married.

My girls don't know the SPECIFICS of being gay.  They just know that it means a man marries a man, or a woman marries a woman.  They just accept it as a fact of life.  Which I think is good.

What do you think??


simplynotso said...

I totally agree with all of that! That is exactly what my children are aware of.

Scarlet O'Kara said...

Very good points made...but I will have to take some time to make my post on this topic.

Mom x 2 said...

I agree with you, although I also agree with you that that mom should be more discreet. One can think that about a child, but at the age of 8, these children don't need to classify themselves in terms of sexuality since they don't engage (god forbid) in sexual acts anyway. I live in an urban environment in the midwest - I see gay people everyday of my life. To me, it's no big deal. My oldest child is just 6 years old so this hasn't come up. But when it does, I will be sure to teach him that two men or two women in a committed relationship is just as a hetero couple - to be respected.

I also find that the people who think "the gays" are evil or sinful or to be pitied are also the people who don't see gay people in their everyday lives. It's like what you don't know is to be feared or something. Or they think that gay people are just flamboyant gay-pride-parade people who have sex in public. *rolls eyes* That segment of the gay population is about as representative of gays as James Dobson is of all conservatives.

Mrs. K said...

I just answered the post above- i think it's definitely nature - we have a family at school that is two women who I think adopted two girls. I know these girls know the definition of gay and straight...maybe the boy has someone in his family who is gay as well and that's how he knows?

jenn said...

Great topic!

I can't believe a mom who labels their kid anything at such a young age. That's like saying one kid's "the pretty one" and one's "the smart one."