Another case study.....

I've taught my kids that you measure a person by their character, not their gender, race, sexual orientation or even politics (although that one is a little tougher for my rabidly liberal daughter). If they are a good person, that is what counts. My kids grew up knowing my sister is gay and have been surrounded by a couple of "uncles" - friends of my sister and I - who are also gay. They've also been around the most hetero manly men too - so they have had exposure to both sides of the spectrum. One day, When my daughter was four, Uncle Gary was over visiting with my sister. We were all sitting on the front porch and she asked me if she was gay. Now, how do you explain this one to a four year old? I asked her if she wanted to kiss a boy or kiss a girl when she grew up...she thought for a moment and said, I want to kiss boys. I replied, "Then you're not gay." Uncle Gary laughed and said that was best, simplest explanation he'd ever heard - because he knew as a four year old he wanted to kiss boys.

My Money's On Biology

One thing I've come to realize in my wise and enlightened thirties, is that so much of who we are is genetically programmed. No amount of forcing myself into social situations will change the fact that I am basically an introvert. No amount of dieting will completely eradicate my issues with body image. Dating women would never change the fact that I dig guys. And I find it hard to believe that the opposite isn't true for homosexuals. Every gay friend I've ever had has told me that they knew from a young age that they were gay.

There was recently an episode at my daughter's junior high where a rash of kids dropped an elective class because a rumor spread that the teacher was a lesbian. My daughter, who is in that class and who is aware of the basics of homosexuality, said to me, "I don't get why that's a big deal." I was so proud of her.

I've always counted gay people amongst my friends, starting with family friends during my childhood. Some of the best parents of my current acquaintance are gay couples, and I find it inexplicable that some people feel their sexual orientation overshadows their commitment to each other and their children. If we're looking for shocking and unnatural sex acts, I have stories from my (straight) college roommate that would curl your hair, or cause your husband to snort wine out his nose if you decide to share those stories with him at a fancy dinner.

I support equal rights for gays and gay marriage wholeheartedly.

Nature vs. Nurture

I'm going to get a little controversial here.  Let's talk about being gay.

Do you think it's a choice?  Do your children know what the term "gay" means?

I'll answer those questions.  In some cases I think people choose to engage relations with members of the same sex.  Especially girls.  It's kind of chic to be a lesbian, and I think alot of young ladies do it to be cool.

To BE gay is a different matter.  I don't think it's a choice.  I think some people are just gay.

I see it already with some of the children in my life.  One of my friends SWEARS her oldest son is gay.  She says she's known it since he was about 3.  (He's 8 now.) I've advised her not to announce it at social gatherings and it drives her husband nuts.  But the truth of the matter is, I DO think he probably is.  I just think he's too young to have that label.  His mom should be a little more discreet.

Another one of my friends has a 7 year old daughter who only wears boy's clothes.  She runs around in the summer in a boy's bathing suit and no shirt,  (At her own pool.) She rides a boy's bike and only plays with dinosaurs and Rescue Heroes.   Maybe she just likes boy things, but my instinct tells me that she might be gay.  Or, she might just be a tomboy.   

We all have masculine and feminine traits and interests.  I would never say to ANYONE I know what I think, but it will be interesting to see what happens in 10 years.  (Oh and yes, I know that being a lesbian doesn't mean a woman only dresses in boys clothes and plays sports...I'm just sharing my thoughts on this particular little girl.)

Finally, a boy in my 9 year old daughter's class told her yesterday that he is gay.  To meet him is to believe it.  I love him, he's a doll.  But I was class mom in first grade and I remember thinking he seemed gay when I would see him at parties.  It's just amazing to me that in 4th grade he is already aware of this!!!

You might be wondering...how do these children know what GAY is at such a young age?  Well I can tell you that my daughter knows because she knows gay people.  Two of the tennis pros at our club are in a relationship.   My girls know that Candace and Nicole are a couple.  Last summer when we stayed at a beautiful  Inn in Boothbay Harbor Maine, the Innkeepers gay men.  My daughters saw them holding hands, they knew that they were married.

My girls don't know the SPECIFICS of being gay.  They just know that it means a man marries a man, or a woman marries a woman.  They just accept it as a fact of life.  Which I think is good.

What do you think??