I saw myself in black and red

When I was little, I never really knew what I wanted to be. Not much has changed in that arena. I toyed with the idea of being a marine biologist. But for a central Illinois girl surrounded by cornfields, that was just all silliness. I'm often amazed at how many people really wanted to be a marine biologist. Fascinating...

I digress.

I also gave much more serious consideration to being President. Of the World. Seriously. Then I learned there wasn't one, and again my hopes were dashed.

I never really set a specific goal for myself, but there was one vision I always had with regards to my grown-up life. I pictured myself wearing a black turtleneck sweater, a red plaid skirt, black tights, black boots, and a little beret. I had a little curly-headed girl (assuming she was my future daughter), and we were walking out of an apartment onto what appeared to be a city street.

Yup. That's all I saw. Some clothes and a random child.

Weird, huh?

Dreams of a Little Girl

I went through so many phases or wanting to do different things when I was little. Fireman, astronaut, teacher, interior designer. I'm working on the teacher part, but currently loving being a computer tech. I also had dreams of acting...which may still get realized at some point, you never know what might happen.

Also, sorry for this being my only subject post so far...I've been busy.

Making Choices

I come from a long line of teachers (my grandmother and both parents taught high school, then later my dad taught at the college level), so it wasn't shocking that I decided quite young that I wanted to teach. I flirted with the idea of being an actress, a lawyer, or a professional roller skater (what? I was eight), but I always came back to teaching. Education was big in our house. BIG. I always assumed I have my master's and doctorate by the time I was thirty. A tough regime of dating, sex, club-hopping, and shopping kind of blew that plan out of the water in my twenties.

I did teach high school theater and English for several years before I had my children and switched to being a SAHM. I loved teaching, loved my students, loved the excitement of the lights going up on opening night of the school play, and loved introducing suspicious fourteen-year-olds to Shakespeare. What I hated, once I got married, were the hours. As the drama teacher in a large metropolitan school, I was expected to mount three or more major productions each school year. I frequently came home at 9:00 pm. That was when I started my grading. Not so conducive to family life, you know? And I wanted to be a mom much more than I wanted to teach.

If I had my choice now, I wouldn't go back to teaching, but would go back to school myself. I miss the world of academia, the research, the class discussions, the feeling smart. Stay-at-home-momdom may be fulfilling, but it can be hell on the brain cells.

When I Grow Up...

I was supposed to be a doctor...everyone in my family is in the medical field. Everyone went to Jefferson Medical School. Everyone blah, blah, blah...

However I faint at the sight of blood. Go figure. So I'm an accountant. Blood is kept to a minimum.

I Wanted It All

I never wanted to be one certain thing growing up. There were many, many careers I wanted.

I remember wanting to be president. I was a bit bossy (and still sort of am) and I thought it would be the perfect job for me.

I remember wanting to be a meteorologist for a long time. I was weather obsessed after surviving a devastating tornado at age 9. For at least 2 years after that, I would obsessively watch the Weather Channel as well as local news, and the sky. Anything more than cirrus clouds and I was sure the next twister was coming. I would turn down sleepovers with friends if the sky weren't perfectly blue. Too many clouds or a light rain would put my stomach in knots. Luckily, this eventually went away. Now I am sort of like "hey storms, bring it!". lol. They fascinate me.

There was a long time that I wanted to be an actress. I think I would make a fine actress actually. I would perform in the community college's musicals and it was sooooo fun. The glamorous life always appealed to me.

I wanted to be a teacher for most of childhood. Who doesn't want summers off, great holidays, and to be "the boss" to their own classroom? I wanted to sit at the big desk. I wanted to have the rolly chair. I wanted to write on the chalkboard whenever I wanted. And I loved school, not college, but regular school. To lead others and teach others something as powerful as how to read sounded great. Still does. I'm a reading assistant (no, not a real, certified teacher), but I do present the spelling lesson, help with reading skills, and lead the workbook work in the 2nd grade. I love it and I am good at it. It's fun and I get to write on the chalkboard. ;-)

I also wanted to be an endocrinologist. When I was 10, one of my younger brothers was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at age 5, so my family's life got swept away with the care and maintenance of his diet and insulin. I read the manuals, and learned all I could about it. Besides giving the shots, I was an expert! So I thought it'd be great to be a doctor and treat diabetes and help others. (But later on, a million years of college didn't sound so fun anymore.)

There were many times, on and off, that I wanted to be a lawyer. Now this could really be my true calling. Except I think lawyers are, for the most part, greedy and parasitic. But not all of them. You've got your Erin Brokoviches, who help the little people, the ones who need a voice,.... and then you have your Mark Geragos' and Johnny Cochran. Ick. They disgust me. But I would be an excellent lawyer. Persuasion is one of my strengths. Arguing is like a sport to me. Things that are not fair piss me off. Like, really piss me off. So, I'd definitely be an Erin Brokovich. But, then there's the whole million years of school thing. School is just boring, y'all. I don't think I could handle that many years. I know it sounds lazy, but geez, that's a long time.

I also wanted to be a beautician. Making people pretty is always fun.

And I wanted to be a fashion designer for a long while. From 5th through 8th grades, I would sketch prom dresses and wedding gowns in notebooks. Some of them weren't half bad. But, to be a famous designer you pretty much have to live in a city NYC or Paris. Well, there's not enough corn fields for me there, so that was out of the question.

I really wanted to be a mom and Donna Reed-style housewife, too. I wanted the frilly apron, the full skirts with crinolines, the kitten heels and perfect hairdo. Not to mention the perfect kids, husband, and home. Well, I sort of got that. I don't clean house in a dress and frilly apron, but I have a cozy little house, a loving family, and I bake cookies a lot.

I still sometimes wish I were a ball busting attorney, or a world renowned designer, but I'm happy with what I do. It's rewarding and I enjoy myself... and if you love what you do, it's not work.

Live from New York...it's Caffeine Court!

I had big dreams as a kid. I didn't think about a logical career choice, like being a nurse, or a teacher. I had to think UNATTAINABLE!!

I've always loved comedy. I devoured Mad Magazines and covered my bedroom doors in Wacky Pack stickers. Every Sunday night I listed to "Dr. Demento's Comedy Hour" on the radio.

At night I watched "The Carol Burnett Show" and "Laugh In."

But my favorite show by far, was Saturday Night Live, and I totally pictured myself writing for it and sitting at the desk anchoring "Weekend Update." My childhood dream was to hear Dan Ackroyd say to me "Jill you ignorant slut!"

I curse Tina Fey. "Damn you Tina! You stole my job!"

I even went so far as to move to New York and perform comedy and improv at dive clubs all over the city.

When I hit 30 I put an end to it. It was like the day I quit smoking. I just got sick of it, and threw it away. I got a normal job, got married and had a baby.

Those days in the comedy world were tons of fun. The closest I got to SNL was sitting in the audience. Which is okay with me.

Footnote: A lady who lives in my town WAS on SNL. She was on at the same time that Phil Hartman and Chris Farley were on it. I love her. She is absolutely hilarious. Her son played soccer with my daughter. I'm so bummed my daughter quit soccer, because I don't see her anymore! I wanted to be her best friend. Another dream of mine that never came true. :)